Four months post-op…what I’m doing

Now that I’ve posted all the good changes that have happened in my life since my surgery, I think I should share what I’ve done to get here.  My disclaimer is, I’ve become very passionate about this and while I don’t want to offend anybody, I don’t beat around the bush.  I’m far from perfect.  I just joined a gym today (24 Hour Fitness) and I’ve only worked out a total of FIVE times in four months.  I don’t eat perfectly everyday–I let myself have chocolate and ice cream and chips.  Those things just aren’t everyday occurences and I really watch the portions.  I have had 2 very aggressive fills for 5.7cc in a 14cc band and I have not once slimed, PB’ed (for those not familiar, PB is a productive burp…you can imagine what that means) or gotten stuck.

I want to encourage others to be successful.  I WILL be successful.  I feel that I have been successful for the point that I am at.  I think that I have gotten a really good start and that is important. 

So, these are things that I feel have been important to my journey:

–I eat a balanced diet.  I don’t follow a strict low-carb, low-fat, low-whatever diet.  I do make sure I get in plenty of protein because a) I want to build muscle and b) I don’t want to lose my hair.  I eat things I ate before, just in smaller portions.  I personally believe that low-carb diets are unsafe and unrealistic.  I am learning to eat in a way that will last me a lifetime and help me maintain my weight, once I’ve hit goal.

–I eat no more than 1200 calories and no less than 800 (usually more like 1000) per day.  I usually have one day a week where I increase calories, up to about 1500-1600, to keep my metabolism up.

–I measure and/or weigh all of my food.  I don’t guess on portions.  If the portion is 3 ozs, I have 3 ozs.  When I grab a snack like pretzels or chips, I count out how many I can have.

–I log all of my food.  Even if I only take a bite or tiny portion, I still log it.  This keeps me accountable and helps me keep track of my intake.  I think this is so important.  I often find myself turning things down because I know I’ve had all the calories I should have.  I also know that I’m getting my protein.

–I have 60-80 grams of protein a day.  I do not drink protein drinks, I get all of my protein from solid foods.

–I don’t drink calories.  I have a cup of milk a few times a week, but that is the only caloric drink I have.  Otherwise I only drink water.

–I drink at least 64 ozs of water per day.

–I follow the bandster rule of no drinking 30 minutes before eating and 2 hours after eating (my doctor’s recommendations, your doctor my have different guidelines).

–I do not allow my band to be so tight that I can’t eat a small meal of solid foods.  I refuse to live my life burping and vomiting up my food.  That isn’t healthy weight loss–that’s an eating disorder, IMO.

–I am completely caffeine free, no soda, no coffee.  Well, I guess in my once every few weeks chocolate splurge there is a tiny bit of caffeine.  LOL

–If I want something, I eat it.  I just don’t eat a huge portion.  I eat a small portion–1 oz of chips, 2 pieces of chocolate, one scoop of ice cream. 

There you have it.  That’s it.  In the next month or so, I plan to add that I am going to the gym at least 3-4 times a week, for both cardio and resistance training.  I forked over a lot of money to meet with a personal trainer a few times.  I don’t meet with her again until July 9th so she asked that I only work on the cardio until she has the chance to instruct me and set up a plan for the weight machines.  I did 25 minutes on the treadmill today and 5 minutes on the elliptical.  I felt pathetic–5 minutes?!  LOL  That’s ok, I’ll take it and build on it.  My trainer wants me doing 45 minutes of cardio at a time so that’s my goal by the time I meet with her again.

Four month pictures

As promised, here are my four month pictures.  It was a long day so please excuse my messy hair and jammies.  LOL

Four months post-op…how my life has changed

I can hardly believe that four months have passed since my surgery.  Sometimes it seems like it has flown by and other times I think, ONLY four months?!  I never imagined when I went into surgery how much my life would change in such a short period of time.  I thank God everyday that I was able to have this surgery and that I have had a pretty easy time with my band.

I was thinking about how different things are and decided I would share that with you.

–I am down 72 lbs!

–I am down from size 30 jeans to a loose 24

–I am down from a size 5x shirt to mostly 3x and even some 2x shirts

–I used to be sick at least once a month before, now I haven’t been sick since prior to surgery

–My children are healthier–no more soda, candy, chips, etc., always in the house (they do get those things in moderation, as a treat, lest anybody think I’m a mean mom)

–My husband has lost weight and is improving his health by eating better

–My heartrate used to always run about 100 bmp while resting and it is now about 80 bpm

–I can walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded

–My knees and feet aren’t constantly aching

–I smile more

–I feel great about who I am because I’ve proven to myself that I CAN do this

–I’m more active

–I can play with my kids

–I can stand up long enough to cook dinner without my back, feet, or knees killing me

–I can say no to tempting foods

–I’ve learned what a real portion is, how much I need, and so much more about nutrition than I ever knew (which was admittedly little before)

–I have fewer migraines (as in NONE since surgery)

–I actually had a guy flirt with me last week (Wow, it had been a long time and while I am happily married, it felt good)

–My sex life has gone from almost nonexistant to amazing

–I make eye contact and talk to people more

–I’ve been called an inspiration to others who are starting their journey and that feels awesome…I never thought that *I* could be an inspiration to anybody

–I look to the future with hope and optimism rather than pessimism and dread

Four month pictures coming soon, either later tonight or tomorrow. 

Forgot to mention…

I called Dr. M’s office yesterday and moved up my appointment.  I am supposed to go in August 6th, but I am now scheduled for July 7th.  I didn’t cancel the August appointment though, so I think I’m going to see how the next 2 weeks go and decide then.  I feel like I really need a fill–I am eating more than I think I should be and feeling hungry more.  I am losing steadily though, so maybe I should just let myself eat a little more.  I guess I’ll talk to him and see what he says.  He didn’t want to give me an adjustment in May because of my loss and I’ve lost another 20+ lbs in the almost 7 weeks since then. 

How exciting!

A couple of weeks ago I entered a contest through my favorite radio station.  The prize was a package of tickets for a couple of attractions and hotel accomodations in Indianapolis.  Yeah, I know, it sounds boring.  However, we’ve been trying to get to Indy for a while now because of their children’s museum which has an exhibit called Dinosphere.  We’ve heard that it is really cool and Christian’s favorite thing in the entire world is dinosaurs.  So anyway, today I got an email from the radio station telling me that I WON!  I am so excited!  I just requested a week of vacation at work so we’ll probably go during that week.  I have never won anything like this before–I was totally shocked!  Christian’s birthday is next month so it will be sort of a late birthday present for him.

Clothes

Quick weight update.  I am down to 281, which is a total loss of 69 lbs.  I’m as bad as a 12 year old boy…I giggled when I realized I’d lost 69 lbs…and when I told Eric…and when I told one of my friends.

I went back and tried on the size 22 capris I mentioned before.  I was in disbelief–they buttoned and zipped!  They were tight as hell, but they went on!  LOL  I also tried on a cute polo type top.  First I picked a 3x, since I wear a 3x tshirt comfortably.  It was HUGE on me.  The bottom went all the way to my thighs.  So I grabbed a 2x and it fit great!  I am trying really hard to remember when I wore 22s before, how much I weighed then, and I really cannot remember.  I think I moved through 24 into 26 after Hailey was born and I was a SAHM (2002-2004) so it was quite a while ago. 

I put a bunch of my nicer too big clothes up on ebay tonight.  Maybe I can make a few bucks to use to buy myself some smaller clothes.  Oh, I did buy the dress I mentioned before.  Size 16.  Very cute.  I hope to wear it next summer.  I wasn’t brave enough to buy the size I’d like to be (12).  I’ll add a picture of the dress to this post.

I also took a picture of myself this morning before work that I’ll add here.  This is my new 2x shirt and some 24 capris that I spent the day pulling up over and over.  I thought I looked pretty good.    Excuse my messy house.  We’re getting ready for a yard sale so things are in a complete disarray right now.

The dress

It has been a calm week

The last week has been pretty smooth.  I’m currently down 6 lbs from the plateau weight, at 282.  I am wearing size 24 jeans and shorts comfortably.  So many things are just huge on me.  Last week, Eric put some clothes out for me while I was in the shower.  He left me several pairs of pants to choose from, but only one shirt.  The shirt was from a few years ago, barely worn, but long since outgrown.  I looked at it and grumbled to myself.  I wasn’t in the mood to dig through my closet so I decided to try the shirt on anyway.  It fit!  He walked into our room as I was putting it on and I said, I didn’t think this would fit.  He said, I knew it would.

I think my perception is different from the reality.  I keep reaching for 4x-5x shirts and 26-28 pants, which then practically fall off of me.  I’ve always liked baggy comfortable clothes, especially shirts (practically a must when you are as well-endowed as I am) so I’m loving the too big shirts to just hang out.  I almost bought myself a pair of capris in size 22 today, but I decided not to.  I might go back and get them though.  I also saw a dress that I thought was really cute, biggest size was 16.  I almost bought it, for next summer.  However, I’m having arm issues and it is sleeveless so I don’t know if I would wear it even if I fit into it.

The arm issues are skin/flab issues.  It’s gross.  It is like the fat in my body has gotten all squishy.  At work, if I came up against the counter with my stomach, it wouldn’t smoosh back if I pushed up against it.  Now it will.  My arms are the same way.  They feel like…I don’t know…bread dough, I guess is close.  LOL  I need to work on firming up.  I know I’m going to have skin issues–I think that is inevitable when you lose as much weight as I have/will. 

This website tells me that if I stick to 1200 calories a day, I can be at -100 lbs by August 6th (my next doctor appointment) and at GOAL by my one year bandiversary (Feb. 28th).  That is mind boggling to me.  I’m in no way counting on that because I know this isn’t really something that can be predicted.  It is inspiring to think that I would reach such a weight in that amount of time.  I’m trying to be a little more realistic and hoping to be -100 lbs by my birthday (Sept. 20th).

Broke the plateau

I finally broke my plateau.  I am so relieved.  I have lost 2 lbs in the last 3 days.  I am now at a total of 64 lbs lost.  My mini goal is to get to 75 lbs lost by June 30.  That gives me 23 more days to lose 11 lbs.  I am REALLY hoping I can hit -100 lbs by my 6 month bandiversary, which will be 8/28.  That would be so amazing.  It would be even better to hit it before August 6th (or 7th, I can’t remember) when I see Dr. M. again.  I’m not going to push myself.  I’m really trying to hold out on another fill until August.  Well, I probably won’t have a choice because I can’t imagine he’d give me one early as long as I’m losing.  I saw him a month ago today and I’ve lost 16 lbs since then and that includes a week plus plateau.

I saw Dr. S. for my yearly well woman visit.  He hadn’t seen me since December, so needless to say, he was thrilled with my progress.  He is taking credit though.  LOL  He did suggest I pursue this back in October.  I can only imagine what he’ll think next year when I see him!

I have to get out of this mindset of thinking about how much I have left.  I need to start thinking about how far I’ve come.  I’m over 1/3 of the way to my FINAL goal and almost halfway to my “not ideal but I’ll take it” goal.  LOL  Right now my ticker says, “64 lbs lost, 126 lbs to go” and that 126 lbs is all I can focus on.  This has been HARD so far.  Can I really keep going?  What if this ends up like every other diet and I just stop losing and then gain the weight back??  Everybody keeps telling me that the loss will slow down drastically and I am so scared of that.  I have too far to go still.  Plus, I feel so much better now–I can’t wait to get down even lower and feel that much better.  This isn’t about how I look, though looking better is a great bonus.  I need to regain my health.  I want off the stupid cpap.  I want to have normal blood pressure and normal periods and have energy and be able to keep up with my kids.  It is all getting better, for sure, but I want to live my life NOW.

*sigh*  Patience is a virtue, right?

I’m a mess

Since surgery, I have been an emotional mess.  One minute, I feel great, really optimistic and confident.  The next, I feel like a failure, pathetic and out of control.  I beat myself up over what I eat, how much I’m eating, weight fluctuations, etc.  I’m at a really low spot right now.  I’ve been the same weight for a solid week, even fluctuating up a little, then back down.  I’ve only lost 1-2 lbs in the last two weeks.  WHY?  I don’t get it.  I account for everything I eat or drink.  I don’t drink calories, except for the occasional glass of milk.  I drink nothing else but water.  I don’t go over 1200 calories a day.

I feel bad whining because I have lost so much more than I dreamed I would at this point.  I originally set a goal of -50 lbs by May 31, which I thought was a huge goal and didn’t think I’d meet.  So here I sit, on June 1st and I am down 62 lbs from my highest weight.  But all I can think of is how much further I have to go…at least 90 more pounds, preferably another 130 or so.  That’s so daunting.  I just want it to happen now, damnit. 

So, I’m working really hard to drop my calories to 800-1000, from 1000-1200 (admittedly much closer to 1200 than 1000 these days).  It is like my last fill did little and I’m seriously contemplating calling Dr. M’s office to get in before August.  I’m also making sure I get in all of my water because I’ve been slacking on that the last couple of weeks.  And I HAVE to start exercising.  Ugh.  I hate exercising.  Eric and I started doing Walk Away the Pounds, did 2 days then skipped a day because we were sore and I haven’t gotten back in the groove.  The kids start summer school on Thursday and I’ll have an hour between the time they leave and when I have to get in the shower, so I’m going to use that as my exercise time.  Otherwise the only time I have is after they are in bed and then I can’t sleep. I’ve had terrible insomnia lately (another sign of depression for me) so I definitely can’t do something that makes it harder for me to sleep.  My MIL told me that I could have SIL’s bike since she never rides it but I have to get it here, which isn’t easy since we now have a car and not a van.  I used to love riding and I think I’d be able to get into it again.

Ugh, I need to get my head together.  It is amazing how big of a part emotional issues play in this whole process.